Left out defined: Excluded, removed from consideration, or ruled out.
A while back, I attended a Christian writers conference known for its friendliness. Unfortunately, instead of feeling welcomed, the above definition described my experience to a T. I spent most of the time by myself because people knew each other from past conferences or came with a buddy.
My reaction was to skip the large group sessions and reduce the number of workshops I attended. Of course, when I did show up for a lecture, I left immediately upon its conclusion.
Forcing myself to attend the end of the week banquet – okay, my husband strongly encouraged me to attend- I sat with a group of women who had roomed together during the conference. While they shared inside stories and jokes, I tried to to engage, but for the most part, silence ensued when I spoke. You see I was a commuter, which apparently made you persona non grata.
IT GET’S WORSE!
After the banquet, one of the women said “let’s take a picture outside and I will send it to everyone.” As I walked outside with the group, I realized they were gathering together and not including me.
Suddenly, they notice me! Holding out the camera, one of the group said, ” So glad you’re still here. Can you please take our picture?”
“Of course, ” I answered. “No problem,” and I dutifully took the picture. I smile as I write this, but it was hurtful and embarrassing at the time.
WHAT ABOUT YOU? EVER FEEL LEFT OUT?
Did you feel left out when you attended a party and stood in the corner hoping no one noticed you were alone and friendless?
How about when you attended a small group and, after the initial friendly introductions, there was no attempt to include you in the conversation. Yes, that even happens at Bible studies. Oh, and the uncomfortable feeling when worshipping at a new church, and not one person acknowledges your presence.
Most of us have felt excluded at one time or another. It’s uncomfortable and makes you want to run away – or at least never return.
After the banquet fiasco, I came to two conclusions:
This welcoming thing is not an easy task.
Perhaps it was partly my fault.
After all, I am an introvert, and sometimes I come off as reserved and standoffish when I don’t mean to it all. In all honesty, my not attending group sessions and leaving immediately only led people to further see me as aloof. It didn’t help my cause.
SO, WHAT’S A ‘LEFT OUT’ WOMAN TO DO?
Well, the Bible tells us there is nothing new under the sun, so I knew biblical women must have known this left out feeling too. So, let’s take a look at one. Hopefully, we will learn something too!
LEFT OUT: MARY, THE MOTHER OF JESUS
Chosen above all women to bring the Savior of the world into our midst Nevertheless excluded for a sin she didn’t commit.
Imagine the gossip, whispers, and laughter at Mary’s expense. Pregnant during the betrothal. Just goes to show you that “Miss Perfect” wasn’t so righteous after all.
Additionally, Mary’s future husband, Joseph, planned on divorcing her (ending a betrothal required a formal divorce in the NT Jewish culture) instead of the stoning many thought she deserved. However, God intervened and enlightened Joseph to the honor bestowed to them as a couple. The child Mayr expected was the Messiah!
Furthermore, Mary probably felt left out from God’s protection. After the trauma she suffered over the last ninth months with an unwed pregnancy there was no room at the inn! Giving birth in a stable without family and a familiar midwife did not scream inclusion.
MARY’S RESPONSE
Young, unmarried, and bewildered. Surely anger, fear, withdrawal, or disappearance are all understandable reactions; however, Mary trusted God’s heart and knew that His ways were best. Her response during this difficult time was obedience.
Notably, Mary sought out a person who she knew supported and believed in her. Mary went to visit Elizabeth for encouragement, guidance, and friendship. Elizabeth had experience her own unusual pregnancy; therefore, there was a special connection between these two women.
HOW TO RESPOND LIKE MARY?
“Blessed are you when men hate you, when they exclude you and insult you and reject your name as evil, because of the Son of Man” (Luke 6:27).
Well, first think about this young woman when you feel left out. Perspective, perhaps?
Also, be obedient and cultivate quality friendships. Having someone who speaks truth into our lives without judgment is vital to our well-being and feeling of inclusion. When we feel excluded elsewhere, we can turn to those special people in our lives. Some examples are Ruth and Naomi, Dorcas’ sewing buddies, and Lydia’s Bible study group. You can look up these women on a search engine, concordance, or the index in your Bible and read about their friendships.
Don’t have friendships like these women of the Bible? Well, try what they did: 1) Mary went to visit and shared a heartfelt experience with Elizabeth. Be open and authentic with trusted women. 2) Ruth was patient with Naomi’s moods and was obedient to her faith. Give people a chance. Don’t make it a one and done thing. 3) Dorcas invited other women to her home and they shared a ministry together! What a way to connect and serve. 4) Lydia joined a group of women who were not like her and learned about their God and was open to new experiences.
Still not sure how to make friends? Click here to find additional ways to develop quality friendships. It will be worth the effort. You can read about this part of Mary’s life: Luke 1: 27-56 and 2: 5-4. Also, Matthew 1: 18-20 and 2:11.
LEFT OUT: THE WOMAN WHO BLED (MARK 5: 25-34)
Jesus felt power leave Him and knew someone had touched Him with purpose.
Meanwhile, the woman realized her healing from this one touch. Twelve long years of exclusion from polite society was over. The bleeding finally ceased, and she was “unclean” no longer. (Leviticus 15: 19-27 for definition of unclean)
However, her elation was short-lived. As Jesus’ eyes scanned the crowd, she was fearful that He was angry. However, she’d already shown great courage, and she didn’t falter now. I’m sure she shook as she confessed that it was she who touched His robe.
To her surprise, and probably relief, Jesus didn’t exclude her. Instead, He praised her faith and told her to go in peace.
ONCE EXCLUDED – NOW INCLUDED CLUB!
And one last thing, don’t exclude others. Don’t avoid people (like I did at the conference). Both Mary and the woman who bled go out there to find community. In fact, see if you can find others being left out and reach out. Draw them together and start a once excluded – now included club!
COMMENTS
You are not excluded from this website. In fact, I would love to see more community. Get a conversation going by sharing times you felt left out and how you responded. Or, tell us which of the women mentioned in this post you relate to the most. Go ahead, be like these women and step out of your comfort zone.
Thank you for sharing your experiences . I have always felt left out and I have difficulty making friends expecially with women. I have been bullied before and resulted in my long-term shyness and social anxiety. Some verses I hold on to regarding these:
“Don’t be selfish. Don’t try to impress others. Be humble, thinking of others as better than yourself. Don’t look out for your own interest but take an interest in others too.” (Phil 2:3-4)
“Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe” (Prov 29:25)
I pray that more will be blessed and know Jesus thru your blog.